


You Only Live Twice

by LindtLuirae



Series: Me & You [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Dorks in Love, F/M, Fluff, Matchmaker Genma, MultiSakuMonth2018 Day 6, SO MUCH FLUFF, for their own benefit and kakashi's of course, kakasaku are oblivious, or are they?, pakkun is plotting to get them together, protective sakura, supportive friends, the ninken love meddling, they skipped right into married couple, unbeta'd we die like (wo)men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:22:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24876868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindtLuirae/pseuds/LindtLuirae
Summary: "I'm thirty-nine," he told her dryly.To his surprise, she tapped his nose. "Could've fooled me," she straightened to her full height and stretched. "I'm going now, see ya."Kakashi stared after her as she shrugged her white coat on and crouched to kiss the ninken—all of them—goodbye. "Look after our dork!"||Migrated from FFnet on 23/6/2020||
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Series: Me & You [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799233
Comments: 22
Kudos: 154





	You Only Live Twice

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on FFnet, but I'm officially going to be migrating all my works to AO3.
> 
> This story is part of the ongoing #surpriseme giveaway I did on tumblr in 2018.
> 
> Based on a prompt by ohmygoshlasers: I LOVE the thought of Kakashi's ninken meddling. I could easily see Kakashi and Sakura so obviously being perfect for each other but never realising it's love (the dumb fools). Pakkun holds a meeting with all the ninken and they begin setting up scenarios and laying traps for the not-yet-couple to get together. Things like making Sakura trip and fall into Kakashi's arms or calling Sakura 'Kakashi's mate' in front of other ninjas. I could think of so many scenarios!
> 
> Unbeta'd!
> 
> Enjoy~

Pakkun sat atop Bull's head, watching Sakura pace back and forth across her living room, clearly agitated. "I can't believe he ended up in the damn hospital again! Suffering from freaking _chakra exhaustion_!"

Bisuke turned to look at Pakkun, who was sure if Bisuke had eyebrows they'd be high up his forehead by now. "You know Kakashi… he likes to go the extra mile," Bisuke reasoned and immediately Sakura's fierce glare was on him.

"I'm going to shove an extra mile up his ass!" Sakura growled, which had all the ninken wincing in sympathy for their owner, as Sakura was an unstoppable force of nature.

"We know you care for Kakashi, and that you like him _very much_ , but I think that's a little excessive," Pakkun replied gruffly.

"He's a goddamn idiot!" Sakura snarled with a temper that matched that of her mentor and Pakkun turned around to hide his gleeful grin. Really, Kakashi needed a strong woman like Sakura in his life to keep him in line.

"Well, you have a strange taste in men," Urushi remarked offhandedly.

"What was that?" Sakura immediately whirled around to face the brown-furred ninken, a bright blush on her cheeks.

"Nothing!" Uhei quickly intervened, before Sakura could decide that her anger didn't exclude summoned animals even if they were cute dogs.

"We just think it'll be a good idea if you looked after him, y'know," Pakkun mumbled, trying to lace his voice with as much innocence and conviction as possible. "He tends to neglect his health and we can't boss him around cause he's the boss."

Sakura huffed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Yeah, sure, leave it to me. That baka, I'll show him."

Soon afterwards Sakura set on her way back to the hospital and Pakkun turned to nod to his fellow ninken. "Step one, check."

Urushi grinned, all sharp teeth and victorious. "Free baths forever lads," he cheered, the ninken howling happily in reply.

Once Sakura and Kakashi stopped being so _blind_ and noticed how perfect they were for each other, the boys were going to enjoy a lifetime of luxury that involved baths and hot food. And Kakashi would finally stop being an asocial, miserable thirty-nine-year-old bachelor _—_ and that was a win for everybody.

"Let step two commence." Pakkun gave the much-anticipated order, earning another cheer from the pack.

* * *

Kakashi was just beginning to truly regret his actions when the pack mysteriously appeared at the hospital. He was in the middle of shrugging his uniform on, ignoring the stiffness of his limbs as he shuffled around the small, clinical room when they appeared in the doorway.

He wasn't an idiot, he could sense the imminence of a hidden plot, he could practically smell the excitement wafting off his ninken. He arched a questioning eyebrow. "Yes? Here to chew me another one?"

"Oh, that won't be necessary," Urushi guffawed, "I'm sure Sakura did a great and thorough job by herself."

"I see. Well, I'll see you around," Kakashi announced, pulling his combat gloves on and wondering about just what the ninken had in mind. He cautiously manoeuvred around them as he exited, and then swiftly crossed the hallways before any nurse could question just why he was out of bed and drag him back into it.

He could see the exit just down the hall, could practically smell the spring air and was about to sigh in relief as he closed in on it until _—_

" _Ka-ka-shi._ "

Oh, fuck.

"Maa, nice weather outside isn't it? I was just going to get some air." Shit, shit, shit. "I heard it's good for recovering patients especially around this time of the year…"

When he turned to face the pink-haired woman, she looked completely unimpressed, in fact, she was developing a tick in her brow. "Yes, you need your uniform to get some air."

"Well, I can't be seen in a hospital gown now can I? What will the people of Konohagakure think if they saw the Copy Ninja wandering around butt naked?" he reasoned, logically if you asked him.

"I'm sure they'll be pleasantly surprised to discover that the Copy Ninja possesses an asshole much like their own," Sakura remarked dryly. "Now get that booty back in bed or I'm going to drag you there myself."

"By the booty?" he asked, deceptively light.

"By the booty," she confirmed although she seemed like she might smile any second.

Kakashi sighed theatrically. "I suppose we can't have that. I have some dignity left in those old bones, you know."

"Yes, of course, this way then, dignified and honourable Jiji."

"Now that's mean," Kakashi pouted beneath his mask as they made their way back to the cursed clinical room filled to bursting with evil-plotting ninken.

"What's mean?" Shiba questioned from his perch at Kakashi's hospital bed.

"Deceptively small pink-haired women," Kakashi answered, and promptly ducked Sakura's kick.

"Who are you calling small?" She mock-glowered at him, raising her fist threateningly. "I'm tall and mighty."

"Of course, of course," he chuckled nervously and grabbed his previously discarded hospital gown. "Now if I may change please?"

Sakura gave him a flat look. "By all means go ahead, I'll just supervise and ensure you won't escape as soon as I turn my back."

Kakashi widened his eyes, injecting surprise into his tone. "You want to 'supervise' me getting naked, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura flushed but she remained stubbornly in place. "Don't be so full of yourself. Who do you think got you in that hospital-gown Jiji? It's impressive, but it's nothing I haven't seen before."

"You're going to make the old man blush, Sakura," Shiba sniggered.

Kakashi glared at him. "Whose side are you on?"

"The one with free food and good bathes," Shiba shrugged, unrepentant.

"I'm disowning you," Kakashi huffed and began to unceremoniously strip in his place and when he got to his boxers, he winked at the still blushing Sakura as he turned around and tugged them down, awarding her with the sight of his bare ass, firm and round.

"All done," he declared, turning to face her when he had the hospital gown back on.

"Charming," she quipped despite her red blush and turned to face Pakkun. "May I task you with watching over him for a few hours? I have a surgery coming up and it needs my full attention."

"Yes, ma'am," Pakkun nodded solemnly, earning a glare from Kakashi and a soft pat from Sakura.

"I leave him in your care, boys."

* * *

"So how long do you plan to lock me in your house?" Kakashi asked from his place on her couch, stretched leisurely with his feet crossed over the armrest.

"As long as it takes for you to recover," Sakura singsonged from the kitchen. The scent of cooking food was heavy in the air and was honestly making him salivate a little bit.

She walked out minutes later and leaned over the back of the couch to peer at him, pink hair falling over her shoulders to frame her face. "Do you not like it here?" she wondered innocently, resting her cheek on her upturned palm.

He stared into her glittering green eyes and shrugged. "It's lovely here."

A happy flush pinked her cheeks and she straightened. "Well, I have a night shift today, food is in the kitchen, books in the hallway. Behave."

"I'm thirty-nine," he told her dryly.

To his surprise, she tapped his nose. "Could've fooled me." she straightened to her full height and stretched. "I'm going now, see ya."

Kakashi stared after her as she shrugged her white coat on and crouched to kiss the ninken _—_ _all_ of them _—_ goodbye. "Look after our dork!"

Once the door shut, Urushi burst into laughter. " _Our_ dork huh? Oh boy, oh boy, did you hear that Pakkun?"

"Loud and clear," Pakkun nodded firmly. "Meeting time?"

"What are you all prattling about?" Kakashi peered at them over the back of the couch.

Eight black faces turned to look at him. "Nothing," they all voiced in unison.

Kakashi's eyebrows shot high up his forehead as he watched them trudge, one by one, away into Sakura's bedroom and slam the door shut behind them.

After a few moments of staring incomprehensibly at the pale door leading to Sakura's room, Kakashi gave up trying to understand his summons and got up to the kitchen to find the aforementioned food.

If he did a little happy dance at the sight of eggplants, well, no one saw.

* * *

It was late, perhaps two in the morning and Kakashi had decided to have a hot shower after he got trampled by muddy ninken. He had been sleeping peacefully enough for once when several hundred pounds of ninken decided to crush him half to death. He woke up gasping, hand already reaching for his kunai when he felt something wet glide up his cheek and opened his eyes to peer straight into Pakkun's droopy ones.

They'd claimed that he was neglecting them and they were feeling unloved.

"Good gods," he muttered to himself, long-suffering, as he dried the back of his neck and his shoulders. He hoped Sakura wouldn't be back just yet, he was afraid he'd used most of her hot water to scrub off the scent of shit the ninken left behind.

Still drying his hair, he reached for the door, at the same time someone else did from the other side, unfortunately, and yanked it open.

Sakura let out an undignified squeal as she was knocked off balance and tripped, falling face-first into his bare chest. Kakashi stumbled but caught her in time before she could send the both of them sprawling down on the ground. "Whoa, easy."

She gaped at him with wide emerald eyes as he helped her regain her footing, hands clutching tightly at the small towel wrapped around her. He must've let himself glance down for she flushed pinker than her hair and glared at him. "What are you doing here?" she hissed, her blush travelling down her neck to the enticing dip of her collarbones. Kakashi quickly glanced away before his eyes can wander further down that trail. "It's two-thirty in the morning!"

"I got trampled by dirty ninken," He said grimly, pointing at the pile of dirty clothes he left in the hamper.

Sakura stared at him incredulously before she stepped aside and pointed at the door. "Get out. I need to shower."

He tried, but he couldn't help himself. "Are you sure you don't want me to 'supervise'? It's only fair _—_ "

"No!" Sakura shoved him out before he finished talking, her face burning brightly with embarrassment as she slammed the door shut behind him. Kakashi took a moment to chuckle before he made his way back to the couch. It was always fun to tease Sakura.

Somewhere in the kitchen, Pakkun was passing out celebratory cookies.

* * *

It had been a long, tedious day of filling out late paperwork and trying to fend off Gai as nicely as possible. He gave up soon after. The spandex-clad jounin was following him around at the point, chattering away to deaf ears and Kakashi could do nothing more than sigh miserably and pray for divine intervention.

They stopped by the grocery store to grab some necessities as he was back to living in his place. He would never admit it out loud but he was beginning to miss Sakura's presence and the smell of cooking food that always permeated her living room.

He grabbed a basket, ignoring the headache still chattering his ear off.

"Yo, Kakashi!"

The silver-haired jounin glanced up to spy Genma Shiranui by the personal hygiene aisle, chewing on his ever-present senbon.

"Yo," Kakashi responded with a lazy wave when they were within normal talking distance and came to a stop beside the older man. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Even great jounin need soap," Genma smirked around his senbon and grabbed two bars of soap off the shelf.

"Could've fooled me," Kakashi quipped, earning a baleful glare from the brown-haired man. Kakashi just grinned and grabbed a bar for himself. "I was just going to _—_ "

"Boss," called a gruff voice from down the aisle and Kakashi turned to watch in surprise as Sakura turned a corner, Pakkun and Urushi by her sides.

"What… are you guys doing here?" He asked his ninken. He never kept track of where they went but it was obvious now that they'd been staying with Sakura. He squashed the little part of him that was jealous his ninken got to eat Sakura's cooking whenever they pleased.

"Keeping your mate company," Urushi grinned.

He felt two sets of eyes stare at him. "Ha. Very funny."

Pakkun didn't look bothered by his reply, trudging to grab soap bars like the good dog he never was.

Sakura was blushing when he looked at her and she said, a little awkwardly. "They're a great help."

"I can see," he replied blankly, his eyes following Pakkun as the dog deposited the soap in Sakura's basket. "Do you boys ever plan on coming home?"

"Nuh-uh," Urushi shook his head.

"It's bath night tonight," Pakkun said, sounding especially pleased. "We're just here for some shampoo. You're free to join."

Sakura giggled, the sound short and sweet. "Well, I shouldn't keep them waiting. It's nice seeing you guys," she told Genma and Gai, who waved dumbly after her, and met Kakashi's eyes briefly before she moved around him to the counters, his dogs trailing faithfully by her sides.

He stared after them for a long moment, confused, with a weird sense of almost-longing as he watched them chatter happily. Sakura chortled at something, crouching down to ruffle Urushi's fur and together they unloaded her basket and helped her carry the grocery bags outside.

Just before she exited, Sakura turned to look at him, and she waved, a happy smile on her face and then she was gone.

"What was that about?" Genma asked, dumbstruck.

"Your ninken are staying with Sakura?" Gai inquired, surprised. "I thought they didn't like anyone but you."

"I thought so, too," Kakashi sighed, running his fingers through his messy hair with a tired sigh. "They're plotting something, but I can't figure out what."

"They called Sakura your mate," Genma noted with a suspicious look in his eyes.

Kakashi glared at him. "What are you saying?"

"Are you and Sakura-san seeing each other, Kakashi?" Gai's tone was all manly tears and hopefulness and he cringed.

"Ah, no?" Kakashi refuted. "Sakura is… Sakura."

Genma's eyebrow arched high. "Exactly? Sakura is _Sakura._ Greatest medic and strongest kunoichi in the world. Beautiful, young and most importantly, adored by your ninken as recently displayed. She's probably the only woman who could put up with your shit."

"I think you would make beautiful babies," Gai chimed in.

Kakashi stared at them, almost gaping but Genma, recently assigned matchmaker, barreled on. "Do you plan to die alone? You're thirty-nine."

"No, but she's _—_ " Kakashi tried to say but was interrupted again.

"But she's what? Too nice? Too pretty? She cares for your sorry ass and tries to stay in touch, unlike your two other teammates. That's enough if you ask me," Genma's tone was incredulous, almost as incredulous as Kakashi felt.

"Okay that's it, I'm leaving," Kakashi managed to say, "I think I left the stove on, bye."

Kakashi shunshined away before they could protest, as far away as possible. And just to his luck, he made it to the street Sakura was currently crossing. Before he could curse himself and change directions again, she looked up at him with the sweetest smile. "Took me up on that offer, Kakashi? Let's go, I'm making stir-fried eggplants."

She skipped to his side, still grinning. "I was going to invite Ino over, but I think I'll put that off until the weekend. You can help me wash the ninken, they're your dogs after all."

"What's his is yours, Sakura-chan," Urushi singsonged around his bag and Kakashi glared at them again. He couldn't find it in him to refuse her when she seemed so endearingly pleased that he was joining them. He'd just have to kill Shiranui and Gai later.

He tried to silence the part of him that was dissecting the points they'd mentioned. It wasn't like he was blind, he never thought Sakura was anything but the beautiful, dedicated kunoichi she truly was. The fact that she didn't mind dealing with his shit was a welcomed bonus any day but to date her was something else entirely… right?

That would mean flowers and dates and… shit.

That would mean the same stuff they'd been doing for years. Shopping together, having dinner together, washing the ninken together and the thousand other things they did together.

Kakashi ran an agitated hand through his hair again, cursing his friends for messing up with his head. Were his ninken trying to set him up with _Sakura_? It all made so much sense now.

"I was thinking we could watch a movie if you want," Sakura said with a slight skip in her pace and he turned to look at her, hoping she couldn't see his inner turmoil.

"Sure," he replied offhandedly, eyes scanning her profile. The setting sun was dyeing her hair a beautiful coral colour and accentuating the flush of her cheeks and yes, indeed, she was beautiful, always have been and he knew himself well enough to know that had she shown interest in him he would've given them a shot.

But she hadn't. She never implied that she was interested in him that way.

 _Or maybe you're just blind_ , a snide voice in his head pointed out.

Kakashi let out a frustrated sigh, earning Sakura's attention. They were just turning onto the narrow pathway that led up to her porch and she paused to study his expression. "What is it?"

Oh well, to hell with it. "Is this a date?"

Sakura looked stunned and he almost banged his head against the wooden fence. The ninken were staring at him, seemingly surprised as well. "Never mind, ignore what I just said _—_ "

"Do you _want_ it to be a date?" Sakura asked when she recovered from her initial shock.

"That's not... I'm just confused about where we stand. Genma and Gai thought we were together and then insisted we should be and it's messing up with my head," Kakashi admitted.

Sakura smiled, a little shyly. "Ino thinks we should be together, too."

"We think you should be together for what's that worth," Pakkun chimed in from his place at their feet.

Sakura and Kakashi stared at each other.

"Well, I guess we could… try…"

"Yeah, I don't see the problem, I mean you're a decent looking guy and all…"

"And you're not half bad either… even if you have anger management issues…"

"And you might be a slob but you could be counted on… sometimes…"

They smiled at each other and Kakashi got a light feeling in his chest he hadn't felt in a long time. "Shall we?" he asked as he opened the door for her.

"Aren't you a gentleman? Yes, we shall," she grinned as she walked in, the ninken at her feet. "Boys, I'm home!"

"Bath time!" Chorused his over-enthusiastic ninken and swarmed Sakura, who only laughed and tried to walk around them without stepping on anyone.

Kakashi shut the door behind him, a smile threatening to take over his face. He could get used to this. Perhaps Genma and Gai were right after all.

"What are you waiting for, Kakashi?" Sakura called from the bathroom with a squeal. "Don't think you can shrink your half of the duties!"

"I'm coming," he laughed, kicking his sandals off and rolling his sleeves up as he appeared in the bathroom where the ninken had Sakura half-soaked and sprawled comically on the floor. "Let's wash some dogs, shall we?"

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear your thoughts!


End file.
